Hogs on tour

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U10’s ON TOUR TO CAYTHORPE COURT PGL, LINCS, MARCH 2008.

FRI. The real tourists (those going by coach) assembled at the club on Good Friday with Easter Eggs a plenty. On arrival in Lincolnshire we all settled into the accommodation blocks, Boston, Bourne (how apt) Louth, Sleaford etc. Friday night was a session in the bar (of course) with much planning for the rugby fixtures ahead. Sadly, Newark and Sleaford (?) had cancelled on us, so Gill and Tony had spent hours on the ‘phone, trying to fix up alternatives. We had the 10s going to Southwell and others to different clubs. A little too much Vin Rouge was consumed by your reporter. More of that later.

SAT. Off to Southwell with the U10s and U9s dressed in scary ghouls and magic costumes. Tony has a green face, with blood caked on it. As we pass Newark, our original fixture (good anagram there, parents!) Tony encourages the players to perform a Moonie (more later!) A rather scarily well organised looking club, even having corner flag posts for the Minis/Midis pitches. Perhaps as well they cancelled! Southwell is a charming Diocesan Minster town with really friendly people. Freezing cold. The U10s met up with Toby, who had come up that day and later Max, as Andy was on Hot Cross Bun baking that morning. (some were promised to us but failed to materialise). The hosts went out of their way to welcome us, with coffee and conversation.

Game 1 Southwell 4 v 1 Hitchin. (Tom.)
Squad- Aaron, Aless, Andrew, Big Ben, Daniel, George, Jack, Max, Taylor, Toby, Tom, William.
The U10s performed their “Quacka” to the bemusement of the Southwell team, then the hosts started the game. A strong run was halted by Will J, but they soon made it over, 1-0. Aless started to dig the ball out from rucks well and Tom, Ben and Andrew made ground. Hail started to fall as the Hitchin players, some looking as pale as a ghost (Taylor!) tried to get back a score. Toby, Andrew and Aless put in good tackles, but it stayed 1-0 at HT. The hail had now become a blizzard. Jack and George came on, for Will and Aless but then Taylor twisted his ankle and came off. Jack made a great last gasp tackle as the sun started to shine through. Still freezing though. Tom picked up well but good home passing and some poor tackling let them in for 3 soft tries. 4-0. The home ref had a kindly chat and told Hitchin to imagine it was 0-0 and after better ball movement and good tackling by George and Jack, Tom finally made it over to a large cheer. 4-1. This try was made by Ben, who charged up and dislodged the ball on their line. This turned out to be the only game against away opposition on tour! Most brave souls remained outside to watch the Hitchin U9s take on the Southwell U10s. Our Hogs did themselves proud, with a great display, losing out only 3-1. (obviously the U10s had softened them up) with our Max helping them out. We were to take on the Hogs U9s next day (more later). After the game, a lovely reception for us in the clubhouse, with coffee, juice and Hot Dogs.
We returned to Caythorpe for the afternoon activities (Dads watching rugby- Wasps v losing to Leicester and Sarries to Ospreys). In the evening, a court session was held, with the Dishonourable Tony Wuidart, looking like “Big Momma” in a white wig and green face, presiding. Clerk was Neil Farrer. Your reporter was held up in court for failing to look after those in his charge, waking them early Saturday morning!, having consumed too much Shiraz. His punishment? To drink a glass of Shiraz, down in one. Tony was himself fined for encouraging his team to perform the Moonie at Newark clubhouse and I also got it for covering up my Wasps shirt after losing to Leicester in the EDF semi final ( I was going outside to see my son’s activities). We vote to cancel the Sunday fixture against Grimsby, around 2hrs drive, due to the poor weather forecast and agree to play 9s v 10s and 11s v 12s. The 7s and 8s have a fixture nearby.

SUN. We wake to a big covering of snow and still falling. Weather report got it right. A mass snow ball session erupts before (and after) breakfast and discussions, some lively, take place about the possible games between the ages. On a snow covered pitch, we decide to start with touch, then move on to contact, if it’s looking OK. Scrums will be 5 man, but uncontested.

Hitchin U9s 0 v 2 Hitchin U10s. Tom, George A bad decision to allow Neil to ref is made. He’s great for quotes though! “Oh play on……NO!!(shrill whistle). The supporters and coaches are a sight to behold. Robin Hood is the theme (would have been better yesterday, as we had been through Sherwood Forest). We have Men in Tights, plus Colin and Claire, brilliantly clad as Sherwood Forest complete with hanging branches and green hats a plenty on the touchline. Tom breaks through the impressive U9s cover for 1-0 after intense pressure and totally biased reffing. Tony, in exasperation, gives Tom a different ball from the one in play and tells him to run and score with it. Sadly, he is tackled short. Max makes an unfortunate contact and the half finishes 1-0. Credit to the 9s. Now contact tackling. Neil asks for a “Big passage down the lineout”. “Not straight” we say. “I wasn’t looking” says he. Daniel wins a ball at a lineout and looks completely bemused, as if to say “Can I play this?!” George drives strongly and William goes against the coach’s advice, but makes big ground, on a diagonal run. Aless does well with a strong run, but is pushed out in the corner. “Forward pass” we call. No whistle. The 10s are done for handling on the ground twice. Harsh. Tony calls “You can start playing properly now” to the 10s and George, in response, gives us an air of respectability to make it 2-0. Well done U9s. A great spirit in adversity. Some U10s parents (I won’t name and shame) sneak off for a pub lunch while those left, prowl around annoying the PGL staff, as we try to entertain ourselves. “I’m afraid you can’t go on the equipment without supervision” seems a common theme. Tony encourages the players to demolish the PGL snowman, built in front of the beautiful house “The 19th Century Grade II listed manor house is surrounded by 50 acres of mature gardens and grounds containing everything you'd expect from a PGL centre and more”. Imagine Tony and his Merry band of (Some tights- clad ) Men roaming round looking for things to do! The afternoon is spent on activities - Archery and Zip wire. A brief meeting is held, where the U10s do well in performing the “Quacka”. Judge Wuidart forgets his wig and can’t be bothered to dish out any more punishments.

MON. Departure day, but a few more activities first. “Vertical Challenge”, a climb up a mix of rope, artificial rock climb and tyres, to about 15 metres. Most do well, but a few freeze (literally and figuratively) when at the top of the tyres. Tom eventually gets to the top, after a long pause. Quad biking next and Jack sets the U10s lap record of 9 seconds. Tony manages to blag his way on, using chocolate and does some impressive circuits. I give it a go too, against all PGL rules. We go our separate ways home at lunchtime and Ian and I give some tongue in cheek thought to some tour awards on the coach. Choosing true rugby awards was tricky, in view of the lack of games!

Top try scorer –Tom (2)
Jack Frost Snowballer of the tour award -Ben
Lewis Hamilton Quad Bike award- Jack
Chris Bonnington Aerial challenge –Taylor
Robin Hood award for Archery- Aless
Martin Johnson award for best lineout take- Daniel
Hugo ‘Southwell’ award for best cold weather playerAndrew
Danny Cipriani award for doing it my way –William J
Mountain goat of the tour- Aaron
Ellen Macarthur award for determination – Toby
Matt Dawson award for motormouth of the tour- George
Top Gear award for most dramatic spin off on a quad bike -Max
Bernard Manning award for best fatboy on a quad bike impression- Tony
Walkers award for 1/. Bringing the most crisps on tour, 2/. Best provision of Tea and coffee/hand-warmers, even in impractical places And 3/. the David Bailey award for best stills and video pictures AND 4/. Vaudeville award for best costumes to- Claire and Colin Moon.
Kevin Costner award for best Men in tights impressions – Nick and Trevor. (Tony ruled out for wearing trousers UNDER tights. Repulsive!)
Amy Winehouse award for excessive consumption of Shiraz- David
What a laugh! We’ll hope for more rugby next time. Many thanks to Gill and Gina for all they did organising and Tony for getting us the fixture. On his return home, Tom just wanted to…….go out and play some rugby in the park! Better luck with the rugby next time.