FINE VICTORY FOR HITCHIN COLTS!

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Sunday 20th April 2008 - Colts vs Colts (Please drink responsibly!)

Disappointed, and with their league hopes thwarted, the Colts reconvened today for the match of all matches.

Joining the U13s, 14s, 15s and 17s at the Youth Awards Dinner, the Colts were determined that tonight was the night of all nights. No Youth Team Award for them this year, no League Winners Cup awarded BUT the gentlemanly core of the team turned up ready to hold their own ….. beer that is. Team mates for many years, some since U7s, they met together for their final drinking match. Psyched up, raring to go, ready for a fight …. beaten on the pitch but not round the drinking table. They had a beer.

Firing party poppers at random to ward off any competition they took up position in their own 22 corner of the Clubhouse. With a definite ‘been here, seen it, done it (many times)’ attitude they warmly welcomed the younger teams into the den of iniquity through a haze of gunpowder smoke and streamers. They had another beer.

Mr. Thorpe made the first false move of the evening and tipped his beer into the lap of Mr. Jeffries (obviously needs some training from his mother – NEVER would she spill a glass unless it was down her throat!!) – but his team mates came to his rescue, lapped up the residue from the table and they had another beer.

Preliminaries over, food eaten and more food eaten, they listened avidly to their beloved Chairman as he waxed lyrical and presented the awards. Jollying along they applauded the success of their younger fellows in the Club as they were handed their awards. They had another beer.

Prematch chatter led to their own awards being given.

Mr. Frisch Senior was awarded the ‘Jim’ll Fix It Look Alike’ Award – although he’d purposely left his medallion, bracelet and rings at home (spoil sport).
Mr. Gerhard was awarded the ‘Overseas Player of the Year’ Award.
Mr. Thorpe was nominated the ‘All Round Poof of the Year’but on reflection they decided this was totally without foundation so he was awarded the ‘Isn’t It My Time to Get an Award’ Award.
Mr. Rushbrook won the ‘Perm of the Year Award’
Mr. Bush gained the double whammy of ‘King of the Lineout’ Award and ‘Health and Safety Executive’ Award.
Mr. Jeffries achieved the ‘Goldilocks Gob of the Season’ Award.
Mr. Lawman was nominated ‘Captain of the Year’ and given the job of raising a Lawman’s Baa-baas team to BEAT the Coaches at the forthcoming End of Season BBQ for the Minis and Midis – kick off 1.00 p.m. Sunday 4th May 2008.
Mr. Bolter had been awarded the ‘Colts Player of the Season’ – so they decided they didn’t want his vanity to kick in and that such an honourable award was probably enough for any one person to cope with really.

They had another beer.

Undeterred by the success stories surrounding them – and by the late arrival of Mr. Bush, who had to hurry through his warm up – 1 bowl of soup, 3 kebabs and a pavlova – they were ready to enter the fray. They had another beer.

A strict training regime had been followed over a number of years to get them to fighting fitness, the peak of condition, with the stamina to last through this final match. Sue Stanbury made a quick dash for the corner to ensure the area was cleared for combat. Everyone else retreated to the bar or outside. Things were beginning to look pretty fierce. They had another beer.

The Colts lined up in their positions, three each side of the table. You could feel the tension building in the Clubhouse, there was a deathly silence (somewhere). This is what we had waited for all season. The match to end all matches….. They had another beer and …

The game was on! Leading from the front, the Captain went straight into Bunnies Ears. Frantic moves resulted as each member of the team did their level best to out play their team mates, a slight hesitation had Mr. Bolter downing his drink, followed by Mr. Gerhard and so they fell one after another. They had another beer and ….

Carried on. Jug after jug was delivered to the Colts Corner, and emptied one after another, not a drop was left! The match heated up, the smiles got broader as the excitement grew – table banging was introduced to liven things up even further. This was the Colts at their best! The moves were swift and dangerous, the concentration immense until with a raucous cheer the half-time whistle blew. A resounding first half success! The score? Umpteen beers to the Colts!

And they had another beer!

The second half of the match followed a different game plan. ‘Beer Glass Finger Spoof’ was introduced – would it be as successful though? All the signs were that the lads were up for a victory! More vocal, more focussed (you couldn’t actually tell what they were focussing on but hey! who cares!) and grimly determined to succeed, the match recommenced. One glass of beer, lots of fingers - who would have the nerves to outspoof their team mates? Mr. Jeffries shone at this one, he’d obviously been training hard, time and time again he managed to spoof correctly whereas poor Mr. Gerhard was struggling. However, a few hints and some encouragement from his team mates saw him rally and come back into the game. They had another beer!

Mr. Rushbrook was tossing his curls, Mr. Thorpe’s head was sinking into his hands and Mr. Bolter was looking decidedly relaxed (he wasn’t nominated Colts Player of the Season for nothing you know). Mr. Bush was as laid back and quietly devastating as usual. Mr. Lawman’s grin was getting broader and broader as he efficiently steered the team to a resounding finale. What a match! Jugs drunk dry! Bodies swaying! Eyes crossed! Victory! First ones to arrive, last ones to leave. They stood (swayed) to take the applause of the room – few had managed to survive! (Actually think it was just the bar staff and Ms. Thorpe – never one to miss an opportunity!) They’d taken themselves on and had WON!

Well done lads!

They had another beer …