Hitchin Colts 57 v Crusaders Colts 0

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Crusaders travelled from rural Norfolk to the bright lights of Hitchin short of a couple of players but seemingly in good heart. They were well organised and obviously new what they were about. We kindly lent them a couple of players to even up the numbers.

Hey! Crusaders Have You Any Nuts?
© Pearl and Dean Circa 1974

Sadly for Crusaders (Norwich) they didn’t have Nuts………or a Callum Shooter, Josh Gilmartin, Dan Scott, Chris Caldwell, Tom Weller, Robbie Smith, Joe Lockyer, Elliott Gibson, Steve Hampton, Will Jeffries, Jesse Gerhard, Dave Nicholas, Will Anderson, Chris Betts, Paul Marvel, Sam Rushbrook, Tom Lawman, Reece Crucefix, Elliott Miller.

Unfortunately for them they did though have Ben Phairasi the winner of the ‘Worst dive by a Fullback outside of the Football Premiership’ for his so called attempted ‘tackle’ on Will Anderson. Only joking Ben – thanks for being a sportsman and going to the aid of a short-handed visiting team.

Before the full match report I have been asked to give out a couple of local public service announcements.

Firstly Herts Police have asked us to appeal for witnesses to a man seen mooning in the appropriately named Butts Close Park - early on the morning of the 19th September (coincidentally the morning after the Lads and Dad Curry Night). Police are currently looking for a shinny headed man with a South African accent who smelt distinctly of beer and curry.

Secondly Hitchin Park Services want to know if Duane wants his socks back.

Moving on to the game itself which was played in miserable conditions. It was bad enough to force John Caldwell to dig out his old coat and hat from the time he spent droving sheep in the Australian outback. Only joking John you looked the picture of sartorial elegance. I just want to know what happened to the Monks Habit that your promised to wear this year - if the lads won the league last season? I for one am looking forward to seeing that vision on the touchline.

From the offset a well drilled Hitchin side (thanks Jim) gained the upper hand at the set piece and the breakdown – with the front row of Nuts, Callum and Josh excelling.

Robbie and Reggie, as always, made more than their fair share of tackles and were always first to the breakdown. Whilst Dan Scott owned the line-out regardless of who had the throw.

Hitchin’s dominance was underlined after less than five minutes when a ball, shipped swiftly down the line, reached Will Anderson who cruised round the Crusaders full-back who for some reason had decided to take a lay down in the middle of the match.

Next up came a storming try from second-rower but to all intent and purposes our Super Centre – Chris Caldwell. A big hit (by Josh), on the Crusaders
scrum-half saw the ball spill free. It was passed quickly, by Steve who was by now bossing the game, to the ‘Hitchin Express’ who powered past several defenders before scoring a superb try. If Chris is ever short of a carrier in future he can always go into sales; let’s face it everyone keeps buying that dummy!

Hitchin continued to pressure and Crusaders didn’t really have the defensive game to stop further scoring. It wasn’t long before Hitchin again won quick ball, at a ruck, close to the opposition line. Big Joe Lockyer picked and went from
5 metres and no one stops him from there. I can’t wait for the baby of the team to have his next growth spurt - scarry.

Half Time Score Hogs 26 v Crusaders 0

The second half started slowly but eventually saw Hitchin pull further and further away without ever having to reach top gear. Further tries were scored by Chris (x2), Joe, Jesse, Robbie and Nuts (with a good low drive to the line). Most opportunities for the extra points were also taken…….meaning even more points for Chris. His dad better get used to stumping up for a post match jugs.

Tank was very unlucky not to score his first ever try after a sweeping move – featuring Dave and Joe - that saw forwards and backs keeping the ball alive and playing out of contact.

As is usually the case with the first game of any season Hitchin’s play fluctuated between being rusty and exceptionally slick. I’m sure it won’t take long for Head Coach Jim ‘Sex Panther’ Panter to iron out the few remaining kinks in training. Hitchin’s Defence and Physicality Coach Amos ‘Ring of Fire’ Brand says he wants to work on getting the guys running support lines in training this week – as at times players were left isolated.

Final Score Hogs 57 v Crusaders 0

Finally just a couple of thanks and congratulations.
Duanne, George and Will Jay. Congratulations on ‘making county’ you are a credit to the Colts and the club as a whole. You have the ability to not only excel at county level but given the opportunity to progress even further.

And last but not least a huge thanks to Director of Rugby Brian ‘Beer Baron’ Baines for all his hard work on match days. It is easy to forget all the running around, chasing up, paperwork, and organisation it takes to get a winning team out on the pitch. I’m sure there are lots of other unsung heroes at the club – thanks to all.

By your pitch-side reporter Chuck Honeybadger.